Parents have to learn to ignore or take care of their children

Expert Homeopathy: Dr. Anutosh Chakraborty
A glance of take care of children

When a child has self-awareness and a certain ability to be independent in life, as a parent, you don’t have to do everything yourself. Otherwise, not only will the child not be able to exercise his abilities, he will develop the habit of relying on his parents for everything, making the parenting life harder. And for children who are pursuing self-development, parents’ “kindness” efforts are often not rewarded well.

They will think that this is a serious interference by their parents in their lives, or crying and rebelling, or starting to confront their parents. , Makes people very annoyed, and think that the child is really ignorant! In this case, parents should ignore or care less about the child.

For example, I found out that when I was busy during mealtime, I would tell Amitava to eat first. Before eating, I only need to specify the number of meals, "Everyone has to eat their own bowl." Then I propose to eat. The requirement of the time is, "I eat my own food, I can't talk too much, otherwise, I will delay eating!" This rule has become a habit, so I emphasized that the two listened. Then I was busy with my affairs, such as chilling the porridge for the two of them, or stewing the soup for the afternoon, etc., and the children would take care of the meal. The two do not need to accompany or supervise at all times. Everything is going according to plan, orderly, and tightly.

This kind of arrangement is necessary in order to have an efficient parenting life. Normally, when I do things, I never take care of my children. Most of the things are done independently by the children. Think about it, two children. If I take care of everything or accompany the children, then nothing can be done. And doing this may not be liked by the children. Everyone, including adults, doesn’t like being stared at when doing things, with a look of worry, and puts on a kind of thing I will help you personally if you can’t do it. Strong interference frame!

For example, when Amitava's mother saw me busy in her free time, she wanted to help me take care of the children. When the children got my instructions to do things, her mother followed them all the time, which often resulted in many talks. Either joking or screaming. The two sensibly told their mother "Do your own thing" which is considered a good attitude. In most cases, the children will shout, "Leave me alone!" or "Go away!", It's really kind to stick to the cold ass, and in my opinion, the efficiency of the children is also greatly reduced. Of course, this may also have something to do with my parents. For example, when I personally supervise Amitava's work, there will not be so many things. On the contrary, the two of them will be more cautious and try to do things well.

Subconsciously, I also hope that my mother will give the children the freedom of doing things. After getting protests from the children several times, my mother has also learned to behave. Unless we need or need help, she no longer stays with her children. I think that cultivating children's ability to do things independently is what parents should do. When children can do things on their own without relying on their parents, parents should feel gratified, not disappointed. Why is there a loss? This is very subtle psychology, which can only be realized by being a parent. It is a feeling of being needed by the child. It brings happiness and fulfillment to the parents. Perhaps when the child can do things independently and no longer need the parent, It is a kind of loss for parents who pay into a habit. I once heard of a mother who has been living in her child's life. When her child was admitted to college and left home, she felt disappointed in her sense of existence because she no longer needed to be taken care of by her child, so she got a depression!

This example is of course extreme, but no matter how parents love their children, the parenting principle of “Teaching people to fish is worse than teaching them to fish” must be done, otherwise, too much care and supervision will not affect the growth of children. Good thing. Let's talk about what parents need to pay attention to in order to make their children grow up healthily and happily without taking care of their children.

One, the correct guidance

1. Before neglecting or neglecting your children

You must teach your children how to do things. For example, when brushing your teeth, you have to brush between your teeth inside and out, such as wiping your butt, how can you clean it, how can you not wipe it on your hands, and so on. Before every child does something, his parents must give them correct guidance.

Now Amitava washing hands, face, getting up, dressing and shoes, carrying schoolbags, going to the toilet, etc. can all be done independently. I usually seldom intervene to manage, and there is less guidance. If the children do not do well, just remind them Immediately, they realized that they would obediently correct it immediately.

2. Good working habits

After teaching the children how to do things, they should also cultivate good habits in doing things. Before puberty, it is an important stage to establish good living habits for children. After that, as the children grow up, adult consciousness emerges. If they are further cultivated, many parents will feel powerless. Therefore, to cultivate children's habits, including all aspects of life, study, doing things, and politeness, etc., we must grasp this stage.

For example, I would tell Amitava not to talk, laugh, or play jokes while eating, stay away from the computer while watching TV, go to bed before nine o’clock in the evening, etc. These are all life rules and taboos. When children really After you understand and gradually form a habit, you will generally follow the instructions of your parents sensibly instead of disobeying your parents' instructions. Under this circumstance, when the child does something independently, what reason do the parents have to worry about and need to supervise at all times?

3. Timely problem exchange

But whether to care about the children does not mean that the parents are completely out of the picture. Communication during this period is indispensable. We are just letting go and encouraging children to do it independently, and give a certain amount of trust. There are reasons to let children realize this, instead of letting them do what they want.

Therefore, under the premise of not affecting the children's work, it is necessary to communicate in time, strengthen the rules, and make progress. For example, when children wash their hands, I will ask, “How are the hands washed? Don’t forget to wash them clean.” Children often answer, “I see, Dad, I put on the incense and rinsed. Several times. Amitava was careless, and I said again, "Did Amitava wipe his hands clean? You can't get wet." Amitava will show me proudly after washing, "Dad, I can wipe it. It's clean!" Amitava, not to be outdone, would say, "I also wiped it clean!"

In many cases, it is in this kind of dialogue that the children do it independently without knowing it, and I also guarantee the correctness of the children's actions.

4. Strong supervision afterward

Sometimes I don’t care about checking the children’s work process, so I just look at the results. For example, when the two of them eat, are there any leftovers after the meal? After the two play with toys freely, did they pick up the toys? Is there any after going to the toilet? Turn off the lights? Wait. I will give the children the beginning and the result of the whole thing, and then only supervise. If I find that I have not done it or done it well, I will supervise and remind them, and even ask them to do it again. Later, the two would also find it ridiculous, and smiled and took off themselves without reminding me.

5. Regardless or less management is an art

In the end, it’s a kind of parenting art to take care of your children or not. This is not to encourage everyone to shirk their parents’ responsibility and not to care about the children. The practice of not taking care of children is a better way to discipline children. It can cultivate children’s skills. The ability to work independently, while improving the efficiency of parents and children, establishes a close and trusting relationship between parents and children. Only when this goal is achieved can you truly learn to ignore or manage less.

For the social news that parents lose their responsibility and ignore their children, such as the recent frequent occurrence of abandonment of babies, such parents are inferior to beasts. Puppies and kittens know that it hurts to give birth to a child.

Therefore, whether to care about the children, will greatly stimulate the children's self-enthusiasm and motivation to do things, and also make the children feel that they are respected and make the interaction between parents and children more peaceful. For parents, it is easy to see at the same time. Isn't it comfortable for children to make little progress in doing things independently?